I am now blogging privately (i.e. only those I send this to will see it, yes, that means you my Unspeakeasy tribe). So I’ve completed day 1 of our mandatory training ala Brene Brown. Anyone who knows me knows how much I can not stand Brene Brown. I’m sure she’s a nice person and all, but she’s another pop culture “expert” selling lots of books whose content I sum up as “Be Vulnerable.” I mean, duh, right? Why SOOOOO many fucking words, books, videos and money it takes to learn that is beyond me.
Yet, here we are. Brene making millions over our culture’s affinity to worshipping people with theories. In a society where someone’s opinion has become fact and “just the way things are.” So this morning when I arrived at training I joked with my friend Fraser who knows me well, “I’m in HELL! Truly!” Three days of Brene Brown videos and content. You may have well have been ripping my fingernails off. Particularly now when I am consumed with being Jewish and on the verge of tears all day long. Did you see the babies come home tonight? One of the saddest things I’ve ever seen in my life. Just gut wrenching to think about what these little ones have been through.
I was mostly dreading this training because even though I don’t know shit about Brene Brown, I’m quite sure she has embraced DEI training, and I was sure we have to stomach some of that. I was nervous from the get go, not knowing how I would handle it. But good news. First, the training is pretty good. I like the facilitators, and the content is mostly about how to speak our minds and be fully us in our jobs, so I can dig that.
BUT. We did one exercise: What does your company not do well to support you speaking up? Like, where are you holding back? One of the options was something to the effect of not feeling able to participate in diversity, equity and inclusion language or something of that nature. It was worded in such a way as to imply that if we didn’t know how best to say things so as not to offend, we wouldn’t say anything. Thank GOD for the other Jewish employee – who I’ve since bonded with after she was stuck in Israel on October 7th with family – who bravely placed her dot on that option.
I had assumed I was the only Jew at my company until I learned about her. She may be reading this so I just want to say how thankful I am for her. She is shy about expressing her opinions in a group, and yet, she boldly put her goddamn dot there. She said, “I just think it’s one sided” which impressed me as a simple way to critique DEI. That’s it. It is one-sided. It doesn’t leave any room for disagreement.
I think I’ve expressed my opinion on DEI training enough here for you to know how I feel about it. (see http://writerecover.com/2023/11/12/the-dots-connected/) I’ll call her Jennifer, was nervous that she was the only dot under this weird DEI option, so I put my dot there and assured her I would have her back. (Whew, this is turning into a long story and my neck is beginning to hurt.) But then I got shaky and panicky and lucky for both of us, we broke for lunch before we got to that option.
During lunch, I talked to the facilitator. Nervously, I told her what was going on for me. I didn’t have to explain anything, she got it immediately. She doesn’t agree with DEI agenda either, but, she said, Brene is all about it and she doesn’t take feedback well. I mean, do I need to elaborate on that? I said, that’s not surprising.
The facilitator asked that we keep in touch and that maybe she and I can talk about this from a leadership perspective. BUT, she said, “this is an area where I would not let my armor down.” Meaning, in my mind, fuck Brene Brown and don’t be vulnerable about this.
Interesting, and the end of day 1.
How poetic that Brene doesn’t allow herself to be vulnerable in receiving feedback.
Yep. I worked for an organization that had permitted 3 men to openly humiliate, sexually harass, and in general create the most hostile work environment of my career. They invited Brene Brown in to do a session with us on “leadership.”
We also faced the question, “What does your company not do well to support you speaking up?”
Gee, aside from firing people who do, bullying those into submission who even think about it, and creating a culture where we’re all hiding under our desks all the time, I couldn’t think of anything.
If Brene Brown is an expert on leadership and vulnerability, she must have smelled the fear in the room when that question came up. But no. She carried on.
Hang in there. And do not be vulnerable in front of her.