This is an image from a movie called the Belladonna of Sadness. It’s a pretty fucked up story. I chose the image because it reflects my mood, but then I read about the movie and it turns out, the Belladonna’s name is Jeanne, so it was bashert. Bashert is Yiddish for “meant to be.”
I thought I had gotten numb to any political issues and didn’t care anymore. I even made it a point to educate myself on why Roe v Wade was even up for debate, and I learned what the legalities of the case meant, and how it is disputed by many brilliant lawyers, regardless of their feelings about abortion. I thought I came to terms with having it lay in the hands of the states to decide. I thought all of this, until this morning at 9:30 when my husband told me the courts had overturned Roe v. Wade and I burst into tears.
I reacted appropriately, and I’m so glad I did and that I am not immune to this issue. This is the issue that guided my voting decisions most of my life. This and the state of Israel. Both are personal to me. And not unrelated. Jews believe that life in the here and now is what matters. Living a righteous life for the sake of it, and not to get into heaven. Jews admit to not knowing what happens after we die, and we don’t speculate much. We are focused on social justice, education, helping those less fortunate, hard work and financial stability. Not out of greed or materialism, but to live a good life so that we can fulfill our potential in doing all of the above. Even those of us who were not raised in a religious environment somehow absorb these values and live accordingly. I was not raised religiously, but my sense of social justice is heightened, as my husband will attest to when my seething anger at an injustice or unfairness rears its head.
Jews also believe that the fetus does not have a soul and that a woman should have a right to an abortion. It is practically mandated when the mother’s life is at stake. And, the fetus is considered part of the mother’s body until birth. That does NOT mean anyone wants to have an abortion, and it does not mean that abortion should be encouraged all throughout the term of pregnancy. That’s just stupid. No one wants an abortion. It’s not like we wake up one morning and think, “You know what would be fun to do today? A pedicure and an abortion!”
I had the experience of sitting in the waiting room at PP after the guy decided that he didn’t like condoms and ripped his off midstream, having to tolerate the protesters outside screaming and yelling. It was terribly upsetting. I was seething. How dare they stand around and scream at me when I’m going through this horrendous experience. Back then I hated pro-lifers.
I don’t anymore. I get it. They believe abortion is murder, so they literally believe that all the aborted fetuses are murdered babies. I’m not sure I would be able to live with abortion being legal either. But I’m Jewish, and that’s not what we believe. So, don’t inflict your beliefs on me under these circumstances.
I am in mourning right now. The world changed in an instant today. It is a fundamentally Christian world where the desire to live the fullest life possible and the desire to thrive may be hindered for so many people. Mostly women. That same guy, when I told him I was pregnant, told me I could have the baby if I wanted but he couldn’t be involved. Real mensch, huh?
In other sober news, we had friends over last night and I was nervous because we all used to drink a lot together. I didn’t know if they would have fun, so I agonized all day about what to feed them, whether to pick up booze for them, etc. etc. In the end, I asked them to BYOB and that I would be serving what I call “white trash” appetizers which basically means, nothing is cooked or prepared. Chips and dips, cheese and crackers, carrots and hummus. Well guess what? They didn’t want to drink either and showed up with non alcoholic beverages! We had a great time catching up, laughing and enjoying each others’ company. A milestone for this Belladonna of Sadness.